I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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