I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize