youre lurking in front of me
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
