Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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