it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
