there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't notice because vodka
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
