Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
