You're my little dorito
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
