I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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