hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
