he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
