That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
