why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
