Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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