if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
