Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize
