I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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