i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
