i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
