I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
