I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
