I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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