What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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