We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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