she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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