Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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