I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
