We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
