Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize