i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
