I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
