Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
