I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize