Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
