I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
