dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
