Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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