He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am one with the molecules
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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