when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize