The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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