that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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