don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
