If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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