Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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