Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
