Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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