Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
