It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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