can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
