Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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