after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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