You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
