I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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