Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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