1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
