I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have post one night stand depression
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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