You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
