I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize