I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
