It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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