the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize