I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
