The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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