You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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