I wanna passion pit in your ass
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
