WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
