Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
