1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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