You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
