i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
