He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
