I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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