That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
