so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
