I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
