I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
