You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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